Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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