...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
