Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
