I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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