I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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