i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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