Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
