O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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