Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
