You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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