O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
