Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize