Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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