I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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