Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
