Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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