Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
