it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
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time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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