I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
