Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
