everyone is single if you try hard enough
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
