I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
