none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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