So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
