Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
