What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
