dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
