Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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