Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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