Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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