I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
