Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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