Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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