so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
