My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
