I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Less talking, more tequila
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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