capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
