what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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