I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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