Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I smell stomach acid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
