somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ok first of all what the fuck
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
