Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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