so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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