i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
