I puked a lego.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
