I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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