Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
