Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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