Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So much rum. So many feels.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
