i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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