You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
