I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
