just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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