Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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