nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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