Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
