Michael Bay diarrhea
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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