I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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