im drinking this country out of the recession.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
