with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
