You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
