Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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