I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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