Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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