what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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