so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
only if we run a train.
done.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
