plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
