This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
