Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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