I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
