Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
