I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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