I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
