You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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