I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
