so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
