He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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