Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
