She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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