are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
