Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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