She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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