I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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