I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
