dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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