Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
