please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
