So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Terrible idea I love it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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